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Personals - August 2006

How to be a Chick Magnet

August 31st 2006 00:04
I just heard the “chick magnet” term used recently. It’s such an 80’s term. Whenever I think ‘chick magnet” my mind always wonders to that Top Gun scene where Maverick and Goose are playing beach volleyball. Damn, if only I could have know then what I know now about Tom Cruise. Nevertheless, since crazy Tom has had his fair share of media attention in the last few days, its time to ponder, what is it that defines a chick magnet?

The first step to becoming a chick magnet is presentation. First impressions aren’t the be all and end all. However, how you present yourself may determine whether you get noticed and without getting noticed you’ll never get your foot in the door. There is no need to get a Beckham inspired wardrobe, a few sharp items that suit your style are all that are needed. The key to looking presentable is putting aside some time to getting yourself properly prepared. The half an hour shower, shave and cloth routine is just begging for a wardrobe malfunction. Take an additional half an hour and make sure your outfit is clean, fresh and looking hot. Try a couple different shirts, style your hair and walk out the front door feeling confident that you are looking your best.

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Ten Tips for Surviving Living with Your Boyfriend

August 30th 2006 00:01

0) Leave the toilet seat up???

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Ten Tips for Surviving Living with Your Girlfriend

August 29th 2006 00:25
1) When you’re finished… toilet seat… down. Always. It is one of the simplest steps to keeping the peace.

2) Be respectful of the shared space. There’s no need to get permission to have your friends around for beers and pizza in front of the TV, but make sure you let your girlfriend know. If she’s get to get up early the next morning keep the noise low when she does to bed and clean up after yourself. Basically use common sense.
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Moving In Together

August 28th 2006 00:13
Its one thing to be dating someone or even spending several nights at eachother’s place, but there comes a time in every serious relationship when the topic of nesting together crops up. It’s a pretty big step in any relationship. In fact, I’ve seen the process of moving in as the death knell for a few relationships. Moving in together exposes all those every day habits of your partner which you may either not know about or really notice. Some people are just naturally difficult to live with. They enjoy their independence and can become a little edgy when people start invading their personal space (even if it’s a girlfriend or boyfriend).

I suppose everyone has their little quirks and pet peeves. It’s an unfortunate situation when your partner has a habit of grating on your pet peeves. Funnily enough it is usually the small things that end relationships that progress to the 'moving in together' stage. Leaving the toilet seat up, not pulling weight in the house cleaning, leaving dirty dishes, eating cereal in the bedroom, hogging the TV and inviting friends over all the time. These are just a few of the type of excuses that have culminated in an ended relationship.
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Borat

August 25th 2006 00:48
Borat is my hero. Check out Borat’s interview for a dating service.


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How to get noticed by Guys

August 24th 2006 00:11
Why is it that some women seem to have absolutely no trouble in attracting the attention of the opposite sex? No sooner does a relationship end it seems men are falling over themselves to be next in line. One of my friends is a pro at attracting the attention of males. She’s followed around by a throng of men who are totally besotted by her. The funny thing is that she doesn’t seem to notice. All the attention just glides right past her. Which is a good thing because if she was one of those girls that jerked around guys for self gratification I’d probably slap her. I donno, but in my book there is nothing worst than a cock tease.

So I thought I try and figure out exactly what it is that makes Jane such a stunning creature in the eyes of men. We sat down over coffee and dissected the situation. It was somewhat awkward for Jane who is hopelessly modest. Nonetheless we made some progress and these are the results of our discussion.
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Snakes on a Plane

August 23rd 2006 00:37
Well I went on a first date last night to see none other than Snakes on a Motherfuckin’ Plane. This is a terrific date movie, much to my surprise. There’s plenty of action which keeps the males amused’n’ awake. The movie opens with a bunch of bikini clad girls which provides the obligatory male orientated eye candy. It’s a fun flick for the girls too. There isn’t a whole lot of senseless gore, blood letting, limbs getting hacked off and shit blowing up like a full on thrasher movie. I found it to be a good compromise for both the sexes.

Plot-wise, don’t be expecting too much. In fact, I suggest checking your brain at the ticket office because there won’t be much need for it in the cinema. This is one of the reasons why I think Snakes on a Plane works are a very good choice for a first date flick. Unless you’ve got a date with a sever phobia of flying and snakes, it is a relatively safe movie. There’s not much to digest and it doesn’t bring up any social issues or depressing topics like some films can. When it comes to a first date, the type of movie that you sit through can influence the associations your date will make with you. See some depressing gut wrenching drama and it put a dampener on the date. When your date reflects on the date they’ll be more likely to associate the feelings they had during the movie with you. SOAP is simply action packed. There’s plenty of activity and heart racing suspense. These are the type of feeling you want your date to be associating with you. It’s the cinematic version of going on a rollercoaster ride.
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Blind Date

August 22nd 2006 00:36
Blind Date is a hugely popular in America. It is a show in which a guy and a girl hook up and go around town to see if they are right for each other. Very much like the typical blind date tv series like the 80s perfect match TV show.The couples do fun stuff and usally go to eat. Throughout the date, Pop-Up Video -esque wisecracks about the people come up. Most of the time, the dates are hilariously bad, which makes the show (and the pop-ups) all the more entertaining and funny. They tape the entire blind date and then add these speech bubble commentaries that are so harsh, humourous and obviously correct. These are a few clips from Blind Date.

This first clip is Eliza and Mike. Painfully completely different characters


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Man with Two Penises

August 21st 2006 00:26
MATURE CONTENT
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Top Turn Offs for Men 3/3

August 18th 2006 04:15
7) Extreme drunkenness.

There’s tipsy, giggly, drunk, staggering, vomiting and then there is extreme drunkenness. Alcohol can make and break first impressions. A couple drinks are a good way of lubricating the conversation with someone you are just getting to know. Miscalculate the number of drinks and your sex appeal will be heading to all new lows. I’ve heard guys whine about how horrible a drunk girl can be. “A drunk guy is bad, but a drunk girl is ten times worse.” I think the stakes are evenly placed anyone who gets ridiculously drunk is highly unattractive. When you get to the point of vomiting, having your friends hoist you from bars/taxis/sidewalks/home and your make-up is smooshed across your face, it’s a fair bet that you won’t be picking up anything worthwhile. By all means have a raucous time and drink up but be aware of your limits.
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Top Turn Offs for Men 2/3

August 17th 2006 00:35
This is the second installment of the top 10 turn offs as voted by a recent male survey.

4) Talking about your ex.
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Top Turn Offs for Men 1/3

August 16th 2006 00:28
This is a list of the top ten turn off for men according to a recent survey. I’ll cover the top three tomorrow and follow up the others over the rest of the week. Feel free to add your thoughts on what turns you off about the opposite sex. Who knows we might get some interesting and fresh ideas.

1) Wearing too much make up.
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More Signs That Say She Likes You

August 15th 2006 00:25
These are some more tips for figuring out how a girl feels about you. The first three tips can be found in this previous post – Signs That Say She Likes You. Body language and flirting can be hard to decipher. Is she twirling her hair in utter boredom or is she trying to subtly give you a sign? There are many behavioural traits as well as blatant things women may say or do when they’re trying to send out a message that they’re enjoying your company. Picking up on these signals and reading them correctly can help you figure out what is her opinion of you.

4) She makes physical contact.
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Why are Women Attracted to Bad Guys?

August 14th 2006 00:33
Why is it that the best looking girls always seem to fall for the bad, asshole guys? It is rather perplexing and I must admit to falling victim to the bad boy syndrome. The question is why. What makes an asshole attractive? I think there are a couple factors which weigh into the puzzle.


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More Signs to Tell if He Likes You

August 11th 2006 00:38
Back by popular demand, some more signs to decipher what that handsome stud in front of you really thinks about you. Start with the first three tips which can be found here.


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Sweet Treats for your Sweetheart

August 10th 2006 00:52
This is a simple step-by-step recipe for creating a sweet little treat that is sure to put you in the good books with your main squeeze. Sure you can buy a box of choccies, but nothing quite compares to the thought of creating your own little treat. The best part about home made sweets is that they allow you to personalize the recipe so you can make it just to your partner’s favourite flavours and tastes.

Chocolate Covered Fruit and Nuts
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Girlfriend Lap Pillow

August 9th 2006 00:47
If a Boyfriend Arm Pillow is not weird enough for you (or not your gender preference) meet the Girlfriend Lap Pillow. Again from those innovators of crazy gadgets and useless inventions… the Japanese. The Girlfriend Lap Pillow comes with realistic-to-the-touch legs and a tight short polyester skirt in your choice of black or red. The legs are made of urethane foam.

The Girlfriend Lap Pillow is one of the more kooky Japanese products to have hit the markets. The soft kneeling lower half is dressed in a mini skirt. Buyers can choose between a black or red hip hugging number.
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Boyfriend Arm Pillow

August 8th 2006 00:24
What’s a girl to do on a lonely winter night when her man’s not around for a snuggle? For the Japanese, the simple solution is to grab the Boyfriend Arm Pillow. The invention is quite simple. Its aimed at those who like sleeping with their head on their partner's chest but don't have a partner to do it with. They Boyfriend Arm Pillow is fully padded and according to users had just the right feel. Perhaps an advantage over a really boyfriend is the lack of armpit odor and a nifty little feature, an alarm clock which gently shakes the arm when it's time to get up.


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Hilarious TV Commercials

August 7th 2006 00:07

These are a selection of humorous dating commercials that have been televised throughout the globe. Enjoy!

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Romanian Pays Debt with Wife

August 4th 2006 00:21
In Romania, a man has cashed in his wife to a creditor. Apparently the Romania man was in edbt and had no way of paying his debt..

The Romania husband, Emil Iancu hand over his wife Daniela to a 72-year-old Jozef Justien Lostrie in exchange for a $4400 debt.
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Secret Lives of Men

August 3rd 2006 00:45
I found this article on MSN, it provides and interesting review of 11 secret behaviours and thoughts men keep from their partners. I think it is full of generalizations, as any “top” style list is going to have. Still it provides a humourous and interesting read.

In a nutshell, the 11 men secrets are


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Taxed for a lap dance

August 2nd 2006 00:42
News from Buffalo, USA, be expecting to be paying taxes on your lap dance. A strip club owner in New York state is being charged $216,000 worth of sales taxes for services associated with lap dances.

Snowden the owner of the Tally-Ho strip club is rather pissed off with this rather blatant method of government revenue raising. The plot thickens as in July 2004, an official from the state tax office sent him a legal opinion stating that lap dance proceeds would not be subject to the sales tax. Surprise surprise, it appears that the tax office has doubled back on its policy and found a loop-hole to extract some further taxes. The latest official response from the taxation department is;
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Don't Skimp on the Cost of a Rollercoaster

August 1st 2006 00:19
Check this shit out. Its a great example of how not to impress your girlfriend with a thrilling ride. Two guys have hooked up a playground roundabout to the rear wheel of their scooter, coaxed their girlfriends on and wound up the throttle. The results are thrilling.

[4567/html]<table width="400" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="5" rowspan="3" valign="top"><img src="http://images.spikedhumor.com/vcleft.gif" width="5" height="300"></td><td width="390" height="5" valign="top"><img src="http://images.spikedhumor.com/vctop.gif" width="390" height="5"></td><td width="5" rowspan="3" valign="top"><img src="http://images.spikedhumor.com/vcright.gif" width="5" height="300"></td></tr><tr><td height="273" valign="top"><embed src="http://www.spikedhumor.com/player/spiked_player.swf?file=http://www.spikedhumor.com/videocodes/43533/data.xml&auto_play=false" quality="high" scale="noscale" bgcolor="#000000" width="100%" height="100%" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="sameDomain" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" /></td></tr><tr><td height="22" valign="top"><a href="http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/43533/Roundabout_Of_Death.html" target="_new"><img src="http://images.spikedhumor.com/vcbot.gif" width="390" height="22" border="0"></a></td></tr></table>
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How not to treat your girlfriend

August 1st 2006 00:19
Check this shit out. Its a great example of how not to impress your girlfriend with a thrilling ride. Two guys have hooked up a playground roundabout to the rear wheel of their scooter, coaxed their girlfriends on and wound up the throttle. The end results are chilling. There would have to have been some nasty sort of injury associated with this brain explosion of an idea.


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