Harry
CibbuanoAre There People You Will Never Totally Get Over? - Part Three
July 20th 2006 00:13
Its the grand finale...
So the question is, would I want my past flame, Tom completely out of my life and would it make finding a new compatible partner any easier for me in the long term. If this is true, then clearly I should be totally disassociating myself from Robert too. Even knowing for the duration of my short term fling that there were no long term prospects, I still went through that post relationship grieving period when the fling with Tom came to a swift end. I could rationalize that what I wanted was never going to happen and yet I couldn’t control the feelings. It was like some bizarre internal battle between my rational brain and irrational feelings. Those battles have resumed since this recent new contact from Tom. The irrational side is totally keen to resume where we left off. That being said, the rational brain is still saying that any such thoughts are absurd and asking for more pain and torture in the long run. When the fuck am I going to stop making excuses and accept that Tom and I have no long term future?
So yes, this new situation is eating at me, which above all else is screwing up my productivity at work. A part of me is glad that I received this email. I suppose the weak option would be to wish that I was never contacted by Tom again. That would be the easy way out. The tougher way is to actually deal with the situation. There is nothing I can do to change the personality of Tom. Non-commitment and sporadically appearing in people’s lives is just a part of who he is. Over the last few days I’ve come to an epiphany with regard to my own personality. The real problem is not Tom, but me. What is it that makes me attracted to someone that behaves in an inconsiderate way? Why should I be blaming others for my own inadequacies?
When I really look at the situation, contact or no contact from Tom is really irrelevant. The fact that he can just spring back into my life and rekindle feelings with a short email screams that I’m not over him. In terms of moving on and finding a better relationship elsewhere, that’s never going to happen until I totally deal with these feelings for Tom. Until then, a part of me is always going to be longing this impossible relationship. I’ve decided that rather than picking up the playful flirty banter that has resumed between me and Tom, tomorrow is going to start with a fresh outlook on the situation. It is time to deal with these feelings and put an end to inducing additional emotional torture down the track. I’ve yet to figure out how I’m going to broach the issue. There is a call for some brutal honesty in the situation that has cropped up between me and Tom. It is a little early for a spring clean but it is about time I tended to these past relationships with both Tom and Robert that have been left with no closure.
I appreciate anyone that has actually read through the past few days of aimless ramblings on my part. Thanks, it was shit that I just need to get out.
So the question is, would I want my past flame, Tom completely out of my life and would it make finding a new compatible partner any easier for me in the long term. If this is true, then clearly I should be totally disassociating myself from Robert too. Even knowing for the duration of my short term fling that there were no long term prospects, I still went through that post relationship grieving period when the fling with Tom came to a swift end. I could rationalize that what I wanted was never going to happen and yet I couldn’t control the feelings. It was like some bizarre internal battle between my rational brain and irrational feelings. Those battles have resumed since this recent new contact from Tom. The irrational side is totally keen to resume where we left off. That being said, the rational brain is still saying that any such thoughts are absurd and asking for more pain and torture in the long run. When the fuck am I going to stop making excuses and accept that Tom and I have no long term future?
So yes, this new situation is eating at me, which above all else is screwing up my productivity at work. A part of me is glad that I received this email. I suppose the weak option would be to wish that I was never contacted by Tom again. That would be the easy way out. The tougher way is to actually deal with the situation. There is nothing I can do to change the personality of Tom. Non-commitment and sporadically appearing in people’s lives is just a part of who he is. Over the last few days I’ve come to an epiphany with regard to my own personality. The real problem is not Tom, but me. What is it that makes me attracted to someone that behaves in an inconsiderate way? Why should I be blaming others for my own inadequacies?
When I really look at the situation, contact or no contact from Tom is really irrelevant. The fact that he can just spring back into my life and rekindle feelings with a short email screams that I’m not over him. In terms of moving on and finding a better relationship elsewhere, that’s never going to happen until I totally deal with these feelings for Tom. Until then, a part of me is always going to be longing this impossible relationship. I’ve decided that rather than picking up the playful flirty banter that has resumed between me and Tom, tomorrow is going to start with a fresh outlook on the situation. It is time to deal with these feelings and put an end to inducing additional emotional torture down the track. I’ve yet to figure out how I’m going to broach the issue. There is a call for some brutal honesty in the situation that has cropped up between me and Tom. It is a little early for a spring clean but it is about time I tended to these past relationships with both Tom and Robert that have been left with no closure.
I appreciate anyone that has actually read through the past few days of aimless ramblings on my part. Thanks, it was shit that I just need to get out.
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