Harry
CibbuanoAre There People You Will Never Totally Get Over? - Part Two
July 19th 2006 00:10
As much as I hate to admit it, the other problem was that I immediately got that excited shot of adrenaline when I saw Tom’s name. Years on and I was still attracted by the mere thought of him. I was absolutely pissed off with myself. Promptly I closed the email and refused to let myself reply until I got home from work, fixed myself a strong alcoholic beverage and had the composure to construct a nonchalant reply. Had I hit the reply button and got typing straight away, I knew whatever was going to flow into that email was going to sound like some lovesick puppy’s verbal diarrhea. Of course, any productive work was also tossed out the window that entire day. My thoughts were milling over this stupid email for hours. What kind of sick joke was this? And why did I still have feelings for someone that I had totally accepted was never going to figure to any great extent in my long term personal life. Above all, when did I start getting into emotional masochism?
This whole saga has got me thinking about whether there are certain people that for one reason or another you’ll always have an attraction for. I can honestly say that there are two people that I have meet in my life that I have been 100% attracted to and could quite happily see myself in a comfortable, long term relationship with them - at least from my perspective. One happens to be is this chap in question. Which I guess is why it takes every ounce of self control to stop myself becoming a gushing idiot whenever he decides to come romping through my hood. I can’t put my finger on why I’ve been so strongly attracted to these two guys. They’re both average in terms of physical looks. Not bad, but certainly not Brad Pitts either. Both have had flaws in their personalities yet for whatever reason, I can’t seem to hold these flaws against them.
In strange twist of fate, I’ve actually realized that I have an ex, Robert from a two year relationship who is in the same unfortunate position as me. We were relatively compatible but, it was too one sided. He had far stronger feelings for me than I did for him. I ended up getting to a stage of guilt where I couldn’t help but question why I was with someone who cared for me so unconditionally when I couldn’t return the same feelings. I broke up with him and really hoped that he could find someone that care for him as much as he would care for them. It has been three and a half years since that relationship ended on relatively good terms. I offered him space and also offered my friendship if that’s what he wanted. He chose the friendship and we still talk frequently. Despite, three and a half years having passed by, I still get the feeling that he’d drop anything in a flash to strike up our relationship again.
I know that sounds fairly self-indulgent, but conversations with my friends have confirmed these thoughts. It is a very uncomfortable situation to be in. On one hand I feel like I should erase myself completely from Robert’s life. Maybe this is the only way that I can help my ex move on and find greener pastures with someone better. I value his friendship and look forward to talking and catching up. The problem is that whilst I’ve come to think of him like a brother, he clearly is still stuck in the past. I’d hate to cut my ex out of my life, but if that is the only way I can help him move on then that is the price to pay.
To be finished tomorrow...
This whole saga has got me thinking about whether there are certain people that for one reason or another you’ll always have an attraction for. I can honestly say that there are two people that I have meet in my life that I have been 100% attracted to and could quite happily see myself in a comfortable, long term relationship with them - at least from my perspective. One happens to be is this chap in question. Which I guess is why it takes every ounce of self control to stop myself becoming a gushing idiot whenever he decides to come romping through my hood. I can’t put my finger on why I’ve been so strongly attracted to these two guys. They’re both average in terms of physical looks. Not bad, but certainly not Brad Pitts either. Both have had flaws in their personalities yet for whatever reason, I can’t seem to hold these flaws against them.
In strange twist of fate, I’ve actually realized that I have an ex, Robert from a two year relationship who is in the same unfortunate position as me. We were relatively compatible but, it was too one sided. He had far stronger feelings for me than I did for him. I ended up getting to a stage of guilt where I couldn’t help but question why I was with someone who cared for me so unconditionally when I couldn’t return the same feelings. I broke up with him and really hoped that he could find someone that care for him as much as he would care for them. It has been three and a half years since that relationship ended on relatively good terms. I offered him space and also offered my friendship if that’s what he wanted. He chose the friendship and we still talk frequently. Despite, three and a half years having passed by, I still get the feeling that he’d drop anything in a flash to strike up our relationship again.
I know that sounds fairly self-indulgent, but conversations with my friends have confirmed these thoughts. It is a very uncomfortable situation to be in. On one hand I feel like I should erase myself completely from Robert’s life. Maybe this is the only way that I can help my ex move on and find greener pastures with someone better. I value his friendship and look forward to talking and catching up. The problem is that whilst I’ve come to think of him like a brother, he clearly is still stuck in the past. I’d hate to cut my ex out of my life, but if that is the only way I can help him move on then that is the price to pay.
To be finished tomorrow...
| 78 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
