Harry
CibbuanoGetting Past A Breaking Up
March 6th 2007 00:02
Getting over a relationship takes time. But the hurt doesn't last forever. It's unlikely your mum, dad or an older friend is still pining for somebody they went out with 20 years ago. But the feelings they once felt for someone were probably just as strong as yours are now.
Unfortunately there is no magic trick to help you move on. Time really is a great healer and so the first few days and weeks are going to be the worst. Staying in and being miserable is a part of the healing process but try to avoid dragging it out to extremes.
Don't get bitter about your ex: if they don't want to be with you any more, that's their right. Writing your anger down in a letter or email can help get it out of your system - but sending it rarely helps. You may come to regret some of the things you said.
You might find there's a hole in your day when you would normally have seen or spoken to your partner. You'll probably miss them. It might be helpful to keep busy during these periods. Try spoiling yourself by doing something you really enjoy; or remember what you did before the relationship and start building up your life again. If you're likely to bump into your ex - on the bus, at work, etc - you might find it less painful to alter your schedule temporarily. You'll probably have to face them at some point but there's no shame in waiting until you feel ready.
At some point, you will find yourself alone in situations where you would previously have been half of a couple. This could be a party, work do or just going to the cinema. Initially, this can really knock your confidence. Try not to let it stop you doing things you enjoy or which you would previously have done with your boyfriend or girlfriend. There are probably going to be people you know or other singles there, or take a friend along for moral support.
The first time you experience stress as a singleton you may feel extra uncomfortable. If your partner used to listen to your problems or talk things through with you, you'll need to find a new support network. Remember your friends and family? They were there before your partner and they're probably still there now. Renew the ties. They'll understand and will help you through difficulties. Resist the temptation to ring up your ex and chat like you used to, it stops you from moving on and you need to find alternative people to help you.
When you truly believe you've got over your former partner then you might be able to see them without getting upset. Eventually, you may want to meet up as friends. This isn't always the case and don't force the issue if they don't want it. Don't renew a friendship if you're just holding out for them to realise what they've been missing: they've probably moved on by now.
Relationships break down for a variety of reasons. Don't take it too much to heart: it wasn't all your fault and you aren't a failure because it didn't work out. Learn from the experience and it will help you recognise the right person when they come along.
Unfortunately there is no magic trick to help you move on. Time really is a great healer and so the first few days and weeks are going to be the worst. Staying in and being miserable is a part of the healing process but try to avoid dragging it out to extremes.
Don't get bitter about your ex: if they don't want to be with you any more, that's their right. Writing your anger down in a letter or email can help get it out of your system - but sending it rarely helps. You may come to regret some of the things you said.
You might find there's a hole in your day when you would normally have seen or spoken to your partner. You'll probably miss them. It might be helpful to keep busy during these periods. Try spoiling yourself by doing something you really enjoy; or remember what you did before the relationship and start building up your life again. If you're likely to bump into your ex - on the bus, at work, etc - you might find it less painful to alter your schedule temporarily. You'll probably have to face them at some point but there's no shame in waiting until you feel ready.
At some point, you will find yourself alone in situations where you would previously have been half of a couple. This could be a party, work do or just going to the cinema. Initially, this can really knock your confidence. Try not to let it stop you doing things you enjoy or which you would previously have done with your boyfriend or girlfriend. There are probably going to be people you know or other singles there, or take a friend along for moral support.
The first time you experience stress as a singleton you may feel extra uncomfortable. If your partner used to listen to your problems or talk things through with you, you'll need to find a new support network. Remember your friends and family? They were there before your partner and they're probably still there now. Renew the ties. They'll understand and will help you through difficulties. Resist the temptation to ring up your ex and chat like you used to, it stops you from moving on and you need to find alternative people to help you.
When you truly believe you've got over your former partner then you might be able to see them without getting upset. Eventually, you may want to meet up as friends. This isn't always the case and don't force the issue if they don't want it. Don't renew a friendship if you're just holding out for them to realise what they've been missing: they've probably moved on by now.
Relationships break down for a variety of reasons. Don't take it too much to heart: it wasn't all your fault and you aren't a failure because it didn't work out. Learn from the experience and it will help you recognise the right person when they come along.
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