Harry
CibbuanoDoes anyone actually get off like a Porn Star?
September 4th 2006 00:35
I always took for granted that the stuff on porn flicks was all harmless fun, fantasy and fiction. Who really turns up on your front door step in tight shorts and an 80’s moustache to exclaim that they’ve come to “clean ze pool” ???? Recently I’ve come to learn that there is an element of truth in porn. Its not all digital embellishment there really are unfortunate men out there that are endowed with a third forearm sized member. And I’m talking girth not just length. I say unfortunate because I could imagine trying to go about daily activities with a veritable limb dangling between your legs. I guess Shirvo managed, but not without the eyes of the population focused squarely on his neither region. Does anyone actually remember any of Shirvo’s running achievements? I can only recall the jumbling landmass which lycra could do nothing in terms of support.
However, I digress… The startling realization that came with learning that some men are hung like pornstars is the possibility that other elements of porn may not be exaggerations either. I must admit, if the rest of the population is porning it up, my sex life is in dire need of a makeover.
Take for instance the grand finale. Does anyone actually grunt, moan, scream, yell, contort and hail thy lord’s name with the ferocity of a porn star? I was once with a guy who had a penchant for biting as he hit his peak. I believe that was the only time I’ve unleashed an unholy scream during sex. Unfortunately, it was no reflection of my climax. It was more like one of those bone chilling howls an animal cries before an untimely death rather than an expression of extreme satisfaction.
Now, I’ve heard of people complaining about hearing their neighbours bed rocking experiences so I guess at least some portion of the population is taking their porn education seriously. I live in apartment with paperthin walls. Considering I can hear my nearby neighbours washing their dishes, I can claim with some certainty that no one on my floor is getting banging like Jeena Jameson. Then again considering that everyone on my floor is of an age where walking frames are a necessity, I’m very thankful that I haven’t heard any “oh god’s” echoing down the hallways. Who needs a hip replacement at 80? When I think back to all my previous living arrangements I never recall hearing a couple going at it.
So what’s going on? Am I part of a silent minority? Or is the climatic, unruly yelling indeed the work of porn fiction? It’s a public holiday today in the Buckle of America’s Biblebelt. With not much else to do today, I’ve decided to take my quest to the streets and get to the bottom of other people climatic experiences. I’ll hit the local bars and let you know the results in a later post.
However, I digress… The startling realization that came with learning that some men are hung like pornstars is the possibility that other elements of porn may not be exaggerations either. I must admit, if the rest of the population is porning it up, my sex life is in dire need of a makeover.
Take for instance the grand finale. Does anyone actually grunt, moan, scream, yell, contort and hail thy lord’s name with the ferocity of a porn star? I was once with a guy who had a penchant for biting as he hit his peak. I believe that was the only time I’ve unleashed an unholy scream during sex. Unfortunately, it was no reflection of my climax. It was more like one of those bone chilling howls an animal cries before an untimely death rather than an expression of extreme satisfaction.
Now, I’ve heard of people complaining about hearing their neighbours bed rocking experiences so I guess at least some portion of the population is taking their porn education seriously. I live in apartment with paperthin walls. Considering I can hear my nearby neighbours washing their dishes, I can claim with some certainty that no one on my floor is getting banging like Jeena Jameson. Then again considering that everyone on my floor is of an age where walking frames are a necessity, I’m very thankful that I haven’t heard any “oh god’s” echoing down the hallways. Who needs a hip replacement at 80? When I think back to all my previous living arrangements I never recall hearing a couple going at it.
So what’s going on? Am I part of a silent minority? Or is the climatic, unruly yelling indeed the work of porn fiction? It’s a public holiday today in the Buckle of America’s Biblebelt. With not much else to do today, I’ve decided to take my quest to the streets and get to the bottom of other people climatic experiences. I’ll hit the local bars and let you know the results in a later post.
| 143 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Jas
Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
Food, Wine and Coffee
One Planet
Comment by hyperapathy
The Soundtrack
That aside, screaming during sex conjures up images of nastiness and ultraviolence to me. I'm not sure if that's why people get off on it or not, maybe my girlfriend fancies being 'abused' by a dirty street-urchin or something and the screams are her cries for help to an unwilling public. I should tell her that if you want someone to help you while you're being raped, you should yell FIRE. Nobody wants to get involved in a screaming contest with a rape victim, but saving little baby Billy from a fire is Bravery medal material and everyone wants a peice of that,
Comment by Ruth
NSW
ACT
VIC
SA
WA
LMAO! Excellent Hyper, that line has made my day. Reminds me of the "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream." ditty. Its a pitty your flatmate doesn't let out a scream to complete the rhyme.
Anyway, I feel so lame! I'm not a complete pursed lips kinda gal, but I'm certainly no wailer either. I could only think that screaming would be a distraction.
Interesting, I guess I should pay more attention to whats going on next time.
Thanks for the replies guys.
Comment by Glen Atwell
Computer Game
Comment by hyperapathy
The Soundtrack
As for porn stars, they just scream because otherwise they might hear the sound of their own failure to be anything other than perverts who indulge in a legal form of sex abuse (or somthing).
"Bitch-ass hoes" is pimp-talk and everyone wants to be a pimp these days, just listen to some of the hip-hop around at the moment. 50 Cent - "I'm a P.I.M.P" I mean does anyone really believe 50 Cent is a pimp? What happened to pimps being suave, sophistacated types with a cane and fur coats? If 50 Cent's a pimp than he obviously got his name from the price of his hoes.
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Ruth
NSW
ACT
VIC
SA
WA
Damn, the last porn I saw was some elaborate Cleopathra-esque fantasy sex romp with people bathing in string paparus bikinis and milky sperm baths. Standards have certainly dropped in a matter of years. Do they even both with thin plot lines these days?
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
... and speaking of Shirvo ... I remember the day an mpeg of him sprinting in slo-mo, his package swaying side to side, was circulating bewteen the women in the office, creating much discussion amongst the size queens. Ha! I wonder if its searchable on YouTube?
Comment by Anonymous
People who believe porn is degrading to women simply because men look at it more than women really need to start thinking for themselves.
It requires a lot of sexist assumptions to even make such comments, and so it's rather ironic when people decry porn as sexist.