Harry
CibbuanoHow many times have you fallen in love?
October 13th 2006 00:51
I was reading some mind numbing tabloid babble this morning, 40 Things You Should Do Before You’re 40. It was this ‘amusing’ leaflet my mother had sent in the mail. I kind of just flick over it and mentally check off what I had and hadn’t done, what I didn’t want to do (get divorced… wtf?) and was all together a little bored with this supposedly inspiring editorial. Then I got to point number 34, the big stumbling block…
“34. Fall in love. If you haven't experienced it already, it's time you found out what inspired all that poetry.”
Holy fuck, like an adrenaline shot to a dope junkie, I realized that at the age of 24, I’d traveled the world (well maybe not the ‘whole’ world), gotten an undergrad degree, found a job in a distant country, represented my country in sport and done a whole host of other wonderful things and forgot somewhere along the line to fall in love.
Surely this couldn’t be! What’s possibly even more startling is that I was in a relationship for over a year. When I look back, I don’t think either of us were truly in love. We were more like best friends, I don’t remember ever feeling any pangs of love sickness, giddy emotions or poetry inspiring moments. It was actually a relief when the whole relationship thing ended and we could just go back to being friends.
I know that some women have complained that they forget to have kids. The career women becomes so motivated about career success that the kids just keep getting flung onto the backburner. Can the same thing happen with falling in love? Seriously, what the fuck have I been doing with myself? The horrible thing is that I was quite at peace with my life and the track that it had followed. Now I feel like the insignificant blip on this great scope of lifetime experience. I feel like I’m anticipating my first menstrual cycle all over again. Interestingly, I was a late developer in that department too. I’m the equivalent of a 13 year old in the adult world.
If we’re all supposed to fall in love somewhere between 5 to 10 times in a lifetime, in the time scale of things I’m bloody well behind the eight ball. But falling in love isn’t one of those things you just sort of wake up and do. Whilst I would love to think there was a line up of Romeo’s under my balcony, something tells me there is a bit of effort that is required on my part.
I retrospect, I suppose I have tended to avoid close relationships. My theory was that falling in love was going to hold me back. I had these grand visions of traveling and being the master of my own fortune. The idea of being emotionally shackled to another was somewhat frightening. I didn’t want to lead this suburban lifestyle, it seemed so boring. In making these early choices on both a conscious and sub-conscious level, it seems that I’ve shunned this wonderful experience called love.
Anyway, let the discussion begin. What’s your age? How many times have you been in love? When did the love bug strike? Is there anything to look forward to, or is it the pain in the arse jaded couples would have me believe?
“34. Fall in love. If you haven't experienced it already, it's time you found out what inspired all that poetry.”
Holy fuck, like an adrenaline shot to a dope junkie, I realized that at the age of 24, I’d traveled the world (well maybe not the ‘whole’ world), gotten an undergrad degree, found a job in a distant country, represented my country in sport and done a whole host of other wonderful things and forgot somewhere along the line to fall in love.
Surely this couldn’t be! What’s possibly even more startling is that I was in a relationship for over a year. When I look back, I don’t think either of us were truly in love. We were more like best friends, I don’t remember ever feeling any pangs of love sickness, giddy emotions or poetry inspiring moments. It was actually a relief when the whole relationship thing ended and we could just go back to being friends.
I know that some women have complained that they forget to have kids. The career women becomes so motivated about career success that the kids just keep getting flung onto the backburner. Can the same thing happen with falling in love? Seriously, what the fuck have I been doing with myself? The horrible thing is that I was quite at peace with my life and the track that it had followed. Now I feel like the insignificant blip on this great scope of lifetime experience. I feel like I’m anticipating my first menstrual cycle all over again. Interestingly, I was a late developer in that department too. I’m the equivalent of a 13 year old in the adult world.
If we’re all supposed to fall in love somewhere between 5 to 10 times in a lifetime, in the time scale of things I’m bloody well behind the eight ball. But falling in love isn’t one of those things you just sort of wake up and do. Whilst I would love to think there was a line up of Romeo’s under my balcony, something tells me there is a bit of effort that is required on my part.
I retrospect, I suppose I have tended to avoid close relationships. My theory was that falling in love was going to hold me back. I had these grand visions of traveling and being the master of my own fortune. The idea of being emotionally shackled to another was somewhat frightening. I didn’t want to lead this suburban lifestyle, it seemed so boring. In making these early choices on both a conscious and sub-conscious level, it seems that I’ve shunned this wonderful experience called love.
Anyway, let the discussion begin. What’s your age? How many times have you been in love? When did the love bug strike? Is there anything to look forward to, or is it the pain in the arse jaded couples would have me believe?
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Comment by Joy
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
You're not alone. I'm about to turn 32 and I have to say that somewhere along the track I forgot to fall in love too. Some might say I'm commitment phobice, but I've just never been the kind of person who has really ever cared about having a relationship.....and therefore have tended to have semi-relationships with people who are really essentially good friends.....that I get to sleep with as well.
However, I have recently gotten rid of my long-term f#ck buddy, friend with extra's, whatever you want to call it, and have decided that at the ripe old age of (almost) 32, I'm ready to actually think about having a boyfriend. I'll let you know how I go with that.
I'm also interested to hear others thoughts on this grand thing we call love.
Kylie
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Great Question. I don't think there is a standard answer here, anywhere, each case is so different, although I can relate to Kylie here a bit as I was still single at 32, determined never to marry.
I think watching Bridget Jones here (parts one and two) are a must before continuing any further.
The second thing; Don't always do what you 'should' do (well not until you have identified who 'they' are, saying you should do it) because, those saying it are probably the miserable ones in the first place.
AS you so rightly say - and years on with kids, husband and a presumably happy marraige (not comparing to anyone else I know), is that to me personally, it's that freindship thing that has come to matter the most. Ooh and Trust. If you don't have that, don't walk down the isle. Do you trust this person with your life? Never mind if you like him some days or not, or some part of you is saying, don't you think this is a little irrational?", the fact is, do you trust him with your life? Of course, I am speaking as a woman here, I do not know what men think as they walk down the isle?
From my perspective, if you don't have trust, you don't have freedom and without that you don't have friends - other friends - other minds. It's only my opinion Ruth, but i really believe as I look back from beyond 40, that the biggest problem comes to us all when people think that one person can take care of all our needs for the rest of our lives; emotional, physical and spiritual.
Ooh and there's astrology, western and eastern, numerology and runes. It can be pretty accurate when you look back on the ones you let go, can't it?
L.
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
50 BILLION TIMES.
Seriously, I wouldn't know, because my definition of love changes every day.
Comment by Ahmed
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
I fall in love too easily. It doens't take much to woo me, to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, to make me feel complete and make me the happiest guy on earth, I have fallen in love countless times.
I have fallen in love with the TV, I have fallen in love with the computer, I have fallen in love with orble, I have fallen in love with my work, but then I had an affair... I played around with computer game alot, work found out about my affair and broke up with me... now I'm heart broken and I am doing my very best to make it up to work. Last night... last night I didn't sleep, I kept on trying to earn back works love... I just want her to love me like I do her, but I don't deserve her love... I'm but a man... and I'm weak... I went back to computer games place...
Case in point, according to the people around me, and the society I am a part of, I have no life.
On the topic of love, could anyone define it without using any proverbs?
Joy, why do people call you naíve exactly? Because you haven't been to any sex orgy's as of alte?
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
With CP, my childhood love,
with my husband, years after we were married, actually. (Interesting story but too long to post...)
With each of my four children the moment I laid eyes on them,
and finally, with my Shih Tsu, Harley
There have been many times I have been in lust, but for the rare occasions I have been lucky enough to be in love, I wouldn't trade it for anything...(except maybe a publishing company to knock down my door...I kid...sort of.)
Voices~
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
My point?
I think real love comes later, much later - about when the kids are teenagers.
Or do you think, as the saying goes,
You don't know what you want until you're 45,
and by then it's too late to do anything with it, anyway.
Marriage is a lottery, I say. I just got lucky, is all.
L.
Comment by Anonymous