Harry
CibbuanoJust Marry Him!
August 18th 2008 08:43
In March 2008, Lori Gottlieb published a controversial article in The Atlantic titled 'Marry Him!', a plea to a younger generation of women, following in her footsteps, to just settle for a decent man, instead of searching for Mr. Right.
It's true that there's a double standard for men and women. It seems quite simple for a man to reach 30 without any serious thoughts of marriage or family life, but a woman seems constrained by biology.
Sure, it's not fair, and these physical constraints are tough to deal with - or at least, that's what Rachel on Friends told me. A girl once used the same shoddy calculation to decide that we had no real future together, if she wanted to have a kid before 35.
Bella DePaulo, on HuffPo, draws heavy criticism on Gottlieb's article, debunking the anecdotal evidence in Gottlieb's reasoning with actual experimental data:
She draws some good points, mainly that Gottlieb seemed to have asked around her circle of unsatisfied friends and wrote an article. DePaulo suggests that single woman are actually happier than women who have been married at some point in their lives, and berates Gottlieb for suggesting that feminists should realize that their place is in the arms of a man.
One point that I did like from Gottlieb's article is her astute claim on the physical attributes of men - it's from an email she received from a friend:
There's probably some excellent men in the chubby & bald category; it's a goldmine just waiting to be reaped!
I'd love to hear some comments from female readers on the subject, enter them below:
" And despite growing up in an era when the centuries-old mantra to get married young was finally (and, it seemed, refreshingly) replaced by encouragement to postpone that milestone in pursuit of high ideals (education! career! but also true love!), every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried."
Sure, it's not fair, and these physical constraints are tough to deal with - or at least, that's what Rachel on Friends told me. A girl once used the same shoddy calculation to decide that we had no real future together, if she wanted to have a kid before 35.
Bella DePaulo, on HuffPo, draws heavy criticism on Gottlieb's article, debunking the anecdotal evidence in Gottlieb's reasoning with actual experimental data:
"Gottlieb's husband-fixation is tragic not just because she is trying to foist it on all other single women, but because it leaves her oblivious to, and unappreciative of, some of the most important relationships in life.
Wouldn't the person she calls a close friend, a fellow single mom who had her child in the same way that Gottlieb did, be willing to play with the kids for 20 minutes so Gottlieb could eat lunch? And considering the significant experiences that the two women shared, weren't they, in a way, partners who knew one another's day-to-day trivia?
In 2000, a pair of scholars reviewed 286 studies to find out what predicts feelings of well-being in later life. One answer? Spending time with friends."
In 2000, a pair of scholars reviewed 286 studies to find out what predicts feelings of well-being in later life. One answer? Spending time with friends."
She draws some good points, mainly that Gottlieb seemed to have asked around her circle of unsatisfied friends and wrote an article. DePaulo suggests that single woman are actually happier than women who have been married at some point in their lives, and berates Gottlieb for suggesting that feminists should realize that their place is in the arms of a man.
One point that I did like from Gottlieb's article is her astute claim on the physical attributes of men - it's from an email she received from a friend:
" I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you … I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category (which they all eventually become anyway)."
There's probably some excellent men in the chubby & bald category; it's a goldmine just waiting to be reaped!
I'd love to hear some comments from female readers on the subject, enter them below:
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| Vote |
Comment by Cheryl J
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
Budget Centsability
I'm in my 40s and have never been married. Would I like to be married? I guess I'd like to find my partner in life but I don't feel a burning need either. My two closest friends are male - one straight and one gay so I get great male company, although without the intimacy of a relationship, but that's the only thing I feel I'm missing and if I wanted to I could probably just go out and get that (although one nighters aren't really my thing).
If the right guy comes along then great and if he doesn't, I'm happy anyway. If you can't be happy on your own your unlikely to find happiness through a partner. Just my two cents worth.
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
I got married in my 20s and for me that was too young and ended pretty quickly, I am glad I had the guts to walk away and start again even though I was 30 and chlidless. Even my mother told me I was crazy. Glad I didn't listen. There is no hurry I had my first baby at 35, and I am glad I waited because I don't think I was ready before that.
Between 30 - 34 years I learnt to be by myself and I agree with cheryl you need to be happy on your own first.
I am glad I waited and didn't just go for the first fat bald guy that came along (my daughter is thankful too.).
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
There was quite a backlash to this article, originally, but I'm unable to draw conclusions. Both sides seem to make sense...
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
I'd rather be single than be married to someone that doesn't light my fire -- so to speak <lol>.
I agree with Cheryl --
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
"Settle for the first man with a pulse who asks" is no more viciously stupid a way to advise one's own daughter than is "Hold out for the wealthy guys" or "Marriage is inevitable for women".
Reproductively-wired hormones or no, I've never suffered from the "ticking clock" syndrome nor the burning need to be married (at any age).. nor have I ever ever wanted to have a kid.
Comment by Cibbuano
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