Harry
Tash Jayasinghe
CibbuanoFirst Contact: How not to reply to a personal ad
February 27th 2007 01:00
Yesterday we started off by looking at some tips and ideas for things that you should consider when sending an initial message to someone you're interested in getting to know online. Today I'll look at some things that you shouldn't do if you're expecting love to blossom.
DON'T
Don't demand personal info immediately. Certainly not if you have failed to offer any details yourself. Go for a balance between talking about yourself and asking about them.
Don't open with your last failed relationship. Sure, you have a dating history. But talking about "game players, liars, and cheats" makes you sound a little bitter. Don't sound like you are obsessed with past partners... or that you think everyone will hurt you.
Don't open with sex: "Hi. You look sexy." Unless the person's ad specifically says they only want a casual sexual relationship, it can easily sound vulgar and rude. Women, in particular, typically delete those messages. When men get letters like that, they often expect a link to a porn site to follow. Even on a website that focuses on "adult activities," you need to do more than describe your body or fantasies.
Don't write a novel. Sending out your life story as a first contact is going to look odd. You need to write enough to sound like you have a life, not a book you'd like to publish.
Don't open with "I hate online dating." It is amazing how many people open a note with a line that condemns online dating sites and the people that use them. You are talking to someone that uses a dating website! Do you really want to immediately imply that they are desperate, dumb, or dangerous?
Don't ask for a phone number, address, or last name before you have even gotten a reply from someone. You may be mistaken for a serial killer or a telemarketer. Go slowly in asking for that sort of information; you don't want to scare off prospective dates.
DON'T
Don't demand personal info immediately. Certainly not if you have failed to offer any details yourself. Go for a balance between talking about yourself and asking about them.
Don't open with your last failed relationship. Sure, you have a dating history. But talking about "game players, liars, and cheats" makes you sound a little bitter. Don't sound like you are obsessed with past partners... or that you think everyone will hurt you.
Don't open with sex: "Hi. You look sexy." Unless the person's ad specifically says they only want a casual sexual relationship, it can easily sound vulgar and rude. Women, in particular, typically delete those messages. When men get letters like that, they often expect a link to a porn site to follow. Even on a website that focuses on "adult activities," you need to do more than describe your body or fantasies.
Don't write a novel. Sending out your life story as a first contact is going to look odd. You need to write enough to sound like you have a life, not a book you'd like to publish.
Don't open with "I hate online dating." It is amazing how many people open a note with a line that condemns online dating sites and the people that use them. You are talking to someone that uses a dating website! Do you really want to immediately imply that they are desperate, dumb, or dangerous?
Don't ask for a phone number, address, or last name before you have even gotten a reply from someone. You may be mistaken for a serial killer or a telemarketer. Go slowly in asking for that sort of information; you don't want to scare off prospective dates.
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