Harry
CibbuanoForbidden Relationships – Someone else’s spouse
November 16th 2006 00:47
There's no denying that falling for someone forbidden can be a buzz. When it comes to the case of those that are taken, I think there is some sort of territorial urge which drives certain people to regard married people as an attractive forbidden fruit. Then there is the element of plain old attraction. It’s easy to fall for someone before you really get to know their personal situation. Lust can lead us down treacherous paths. If you’ve ever been in the situation of falling for a married person you’ll know how lust can make us bend morals in an attempt to justify cheating. It takes will power, determination and self control to steer our hearts away from a dangerous, taboo relationship.
Loving someone who is married can be wretched. Take this question which was published by a torn woman considering a relationship with a married man…
“I'm in love with a married man. He also says he is in love with me, but can't seem to leave his wife, what should I do? I love him with all my heart. I believe we are soul mates and have too much in common to just give this up.”
Following an extra-marital affair seems totally justified to this woman. Afterall, their soulmates, they were destined to be together. Who cares if the woman with the ring may have once been the forever after soulmate?
Getting into a relationship as the other man/woman is an exercise in maschocism. More often than not you are setting yourself up for one hell of a crash. Furthermore, since the relationship is socially taboo, it makes it that little bit harder to turn to friends and family for support when things go arse up. Should your extra-marital lover decide to choose their family over you, you’ll find yourself feeling pretty damn lonely, used, screwed and broken. It is then when the guilt really sets in and you’ll see the error of your ways.
Despite the apparent disadvantages of falling for a married man/woman affairs have and always will be a factor in the relationship spectrum. Feelings can be denied. Before you pass any points of return it is essential to try and keep a level head about the situation. You need to make sure you're clear about what you're getting out of it. Maybe you enjoy the thrill of taking risks or you like the reaction you get for being controversial? Ask yourself whether you're in to the person for who they are not for what they represent. If you're not, chances are it won't be lasting the full distance, no matter how strong the initial buzz is.
Communication is an essential part of any good relationship, but when you're under pressure because your circumstances are taboo it's crucial that you talk openly about your feelings. Yes, telling your friends and family that you’re porking a married man or woman probably isn’t going to make for the most enjoyable Sunday roast dinner conversation. However, it is important that you do have someone to talk your relationship issues through with. Getting an outsiders perspective, possibly a more rational point of view is important. In a regular relationship we’ll often turn to friends or family to help piece through any relationship puzzles that emerge along the way. One big disadvantage of an extra-marital affair is that the social taboo with cut those communication buoys.
At the end of the day, cheating is cheating. No matter what excuses you can find to justify what is going on, there are few reasons why someone couldn’t end one relationship before starting up another. As the other man/woman you are getting as screwed over as the spouse back on the homefront. Try to remain rational, weigh up the options and try to think long term. It may be exciting for a month or two, but given time, an affair becomes more painstaking and harder to let go of.
Loving someone who is married can be wretched. Take this question which was published by a torn woman considering a relationship with a married man…
“I'm in love with a married man. He also says he is in love with me, but can't seem to leave his wife, what should I do? I love him with all my heart. I believe we are soul mates and have too much in common to just give this up.”
Following an extra-marital affair seems totally justified to this woman. Afterall, their soulmates, they were destined to be together. Who cares if the woman with the ring may have once been the forever after soulmate?
Getting into a relationship as the other man/woman is an exercise in maschocism. More often than not you are setting yourself up for one hell of a crash. Furthermore, since the relationship is socially taboo, it makes it that little bit harder to turn to friends and family for support when things go arse up. Should your extra-marital lover decide to choose their family over you, you’ll find yourself feeling pretty damn lonely, used, screwed and broken. It is then when the guilt really sets in and you’ll see the error of your ways.
Despite the apparent disadvantages of falling for a married man/woman affairs have and always will be a factor in the relationship spectrum. Feelings can be denied. Before you pass any points of return it is essential to try and keep a level head about the situation. You need to make sure you're clear about what you're getting out of it. Maybe you enjoy the thrill of taking risks or you like the reaction you get for being controversial? Ask yourself whether you're in to the person for who they are not for what they represent. If you're not, chances are it won't be lasting the full distance, no matter how strong the initial buzz is.
Communication is an essential part of any good relationship, but when you're under pressure because your circumstances are taboo it's crucial that you talk openly about your feelings. Yes, telling your friends and family that you’re porking a married man or woman probably isn’t going to make for the most enjoyable Sunday roast dinner conversation. However, it is important that you do have someone to talk your relationship issues through with. Getting an outsiders perspective, possibly a more rational point of view is important. In a regular relationship we’ll often turn to friends or family to help piece through any relationship puzzles that emerge along the way. One big disadvantage of an extra-marital affair is that the social taboo with cut those communication buoys.
At the end of the day, cheating is cheating. No matter what excuses you can find to justify what is going on, there are few reasons why someone couldn’t end one relationship before starting up another. As the other man/woman you are getting as screwed over as the spouse back on the homefront. Try to remain rational, weigh up the options and try to think long term. It may be exciting for a month or two, but given time, an affair becomes more painstaking and harder to let go of.
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