Harry
Tash Jayasinghe
CibbuanoPorn is killing men's libido
November 10th 2008 19:45
Naomi Wolf writes in New York Magazine about the desensitizing effect that pornography is having on young men - far from the lusty gangs of rape and vile behaviour predicted by experts in the 70s.
She notes that it was pretty easy for her as young woman:
"When I came of age in the seventies, it was still pretty cool to be able to offer a young man the actual presence of a naked, willing young woman. There were more young men who wanted to be with naked women than there were naked women on the market. If there was nothing actively alarming about you, you could get a pretty enthusiastic response by just showing up."
You might think that Wolf's article goes on to berate men for abandoning flesh and blood for strategically arranged photons emitted from your laptop screen, but it's actually an interesting, thoughtful article.
She notes how porn has changed expectations, especially for how women should look:
" ...you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax"
And, sadly, how you should act in bed:
"Now you have to offer—or flirtatiously suggest—the lesbian scene, the ejaculate-in-the-face scene."
Sadly, I have to agree with Wolf, as I've noticed how many men around my age or younger have come to 'accept' that women should be totally waxed, and should want to make out with other girls at drunken bar outings. I have female friends that'll willingly come along to strip clubs, or watch porn with their buddies.
Sounds great, right?
"But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated"
I know where she's going with this - we've learned that we should act like this, but if it's insincere, what was gained? The illusion of sexuality? The illusion of lesbianism? The illusion of sexual confidence?
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Comment by James Rickard
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Comment by Mister Smith
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Do you have a link to the Naomi Wolf article.? I'd like to read it. Personally, I find pornography offensive and I believe it is addictive. What I really dislike, though, is the endless parade of images with a pornographic look. So many fashion shoots have (very young)girls looking like they are begging for oral sex. Young girls are naturally beautiful anyway but have a certain amount of innocence. Why is it it necessary to always present them in such a lascivious way? You can practically see some creepy guy (or maybe a woman, who knows) behind the camera. Yuk! It's depressing
Comment by Morgan Bell
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but it remains a fact that the women who men want to marry and take home to their mums are definately not the chicks on the front of the "girls gone wild" videos
how many men do you actually believe regularly have group sex, and really get into felching or a dirty sanchez? i bet its far less than how many talk about it
most women i know that are in serious long-term relationships report that their partners dont ever want them to talk about their sexual history . . . it seems everyone still wants to feel like they are dating a "virgin" no matter how much porn they watch
Comment by Anonymous
I just had to google both of those terms. I found a lot of information on one site that gave a whole list. Gross! I wonder why so many guys have weird, and often very particular, sexual predilections. The dominant/submissive thing I get but some of that other stuff? All I can think is Why? Why? Why?
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Comment by Postmodern Critic
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Hahaha... I think this still generally applies. People still go weak at the knees over real people.
I like to remove the hair a la a Brazillian because I like the way it makes me feel. And if someone prefers I didn't shave, that's too bad.
Porn prevents me from going out and having casual sex and going through an emotional roller coaster because of the lack of intimacy.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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oops, sorry, didnt mean to corrupt your mind! haha
Comment by Cibbuano
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Naomi Wolf on Pornography
I'm quite pro-porn, but, just like anything else, I think we need standards. I find much of the TV programming and blockbuster movies to be as offensive, if not more, as pornography.
As for addiction, it's like anything else that gives pleasure or escapism: there's some people that will find pornography addictive, while the vast majority of people will use it in moderation.
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Comment by Lilla
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I dont doubt that it desensitises men, robbing them (and their partners) of peak enjoyment when experiencing the real thing?
I will explain: Wouldnt seeing how others do it, make your performance anxiety worse.. . further I think sensitive women would pick up on orchestrated moves (as you believe them to be from programming caused by watching porn), as opposed to natural moves from the electrical sympatico of union?
ie if the girl isnt reacting like she does on fake film, well she may not be enjoying it and so you tune out to her real responses, cues and body language (and visa versa) ...?
I'm just hypothesising ... but I dont believe that it would enhance the real thing, any more than watching a gardening show helps me get a real feel for the ground and the soil, the smell of the herbs and the natural growth habits of the plants themselves.
Just my two bobs worth.
Lilla ..
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Anyway, great post and great debates!
Comment by Cibbuano
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Modern pornography is like crack cocaine - it comes cheap, with little fanfare, and dives straight into the hard stuff. I agree that the proliferation of pornography probably has a desensitizing effect.
I don't know that there is any solution to it, other than hoping your kids will have the good sense not to dive into that sticky mess.
Comment by Kleonaptra
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I love porn - but I have only rifled through Kmans, and its years old. The girls are all shapes and sizes and have various patterns of hair. The porn is obviously older than the first guy who ever saw me naked (which, sadly, was not Kman) as he made an exclamation that made my heart just stop in my chest - how the hell was I supposed to know I was supposed to be airbrushed and waxed?
It would have scarred me for life if I hadnt met a man who really loves real women...And even has pictures of them. Its not just the porn. Its our chick magazines too.
Comment by Journeywoman
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But as it has been said many times before, there's nothing quite like the real thing!
Comment by Raoul Duke
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Journeywoman, being a hetero male, I loathe gyno close-ups as well. For the sex to be erotic, you need to be able to connect the body with the face; reactions and responses ... The more the performer looks genuinely turned on, the more erotic the sex becomes. Great porn is a mixture of being both explicit, yet suggestive. Sometimes penetration isn't even involved, it might only be oral sex, or use of the hands (alternative penetration).
I haven't seen Original Sin, I hear the sex scene is good.
Curiously, I found the sex scenes in 9 Songs less interesting than the tension between the characters in the scenes before and after the sex more interesting. The best sex scene in that movie was when she was rubbing one out with the dildo and he was left on the sidelines, partly because it was less "conventional".
Actual sex is slowly and surely making its presence known more and more in "mainstream" movies ... which is a good thing, provided its done with intelligence and style by the director. If a movie deals with an intense attraction between two people, then having an intense sex scene makes perfect sense. It's the culmination of their chemistry, and filmmakers and actors should embrace it. Why should method acting stop at smoking cigarettes and gaining and shedding weight?
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Comment by Optomistic Opportunism
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Cib, what's your verdict on Wild Blood? The sex was interestingly uncomfortable for me if only for the fact that it was so hard to be comfortable with the characters! There were afew scenes, one anal, one jerk-him-off-to-make-him-go-t o-sleep, etc...
Raoul, you're comments lift eyebrows. I guess that's intended.
And JM, gyro close-ups?! Maybe you should come along to the next Italian Film Festival...
Lilla, using porn during sex is all about being complimentary. The woman needs to be turned on, if not a little curious, by what is being observed. I have found 'soft' images (as opposed to hardcore... which one are we talking about?), such as those found on Aria Giovanni and Sofia Vergara websites, to enchant both Mars and Venus into alignment. (ps end of semester still to come, will be back to you Lilla)
It doesn't work using men. Women show off to each other often more purposefully than they do to men, but us fellas just aren't the same.
...i guess in some pigshooting-and-footy cliques they do compare dick size although eh Morgan?
Sorry to take over Cib. [token cheesy american teenage girl says] Its like there's a party at your place, and everyone's invited!
Comment by Cibbuano
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I've never been a huge fan of Hustler (although I have a Hustler singlet "Hardcore since '74"). But I grew up raiding my dad's "secret" stash of 70s Playboy and Penthouse. Ahhh, those were the days. They don't make men's mags like that anymore! Penthouse rocked!
Then my friend introduced me to his Swiss father's secret stash of early Private magazine, which had hardcore stuff. A whole new door was opened. But I still am fond of the lush, voluptuousness of Playboy and Penthouse. I learned a lot of sex lingo from Penthouse forum letters. In fact, a large amount of my sex education came from those magazines.
Opto, I'm a big fan of Aria Giovanni. I wish she'd go hardcore instead of just the designer hardened softcore stuff she does with Andrew Blake.
Comment by Optomistic Opportunism
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[token american teenager accent again]
Paz Vega and Vida Guerra rip it up when it comes to fore(ward)play as well...
...Gor - jus
I am talking about the internet btw, my attitude is to not bother paying for it these days. (Porn, happy to still pay the net bill for the freebies on the internet. Am I not being dedicated enough?)
Cib, if you think of such films as overrated softcore like the older generation might do, it would probably pass if only the people portrayed were made likeable.
Comment by Raoul Duke
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