Harry
Tash Jayasinghe
CibbuanoRebound Relationships
September 12th 2006 00:51
A rebound relationship occurs when a person quickly settles into a new relationship after experiencing an upsetting break up. It is easy to fall into a rebound relationship soon after getting dumped. Particularly if you were involved in a lengthy, intimate relationship and the break up was sudden or unexpected. Generally someone will fall into a rebound relationship in order to seek the love, worth and affection of a partner to replace that gap that has been left by the previous partner.
Rebound relationships can workout in the long term, however, getting that respite from the end of the previous relationship is also important. A rebound relationship can be a quick fix solution to the hollow feeling left after a relationship. The new partner becomes a substitute for your previous partner. This can spell havoc for a new relationship as your expectations will probably be based on the behaviour and characteristics of your previous partner. Rebound relationships can also be the result of trying to make up for "lost time" spent mourning the previous relationship or an attempt to compete with the ex by finding a new partner before he or she does.
Essentially, the problem with a rebound relationship is that by rushing into a new relationship and not addressing the personal issues associated with your break up, you don’t give yourself time to get over the ex. Usually this will cause tension in a new relationship. If there are issues to be dealt with from your previous relationship break up it is only fair that you don’t involve an innocent party in your recovery. Some people embark on rebound relationships, as they can't release the past until they are put through the process of trying to build a new intimacy with someone else. Blocked or repressed emotions that were not expressed towards the ex partner may now be "acted out" on the new partner.
One very big problem with a rebound relationship is that it can leave you in a vulnerable position. When you break up from a long term relationship you are certainly going to feel a plethora of emotions including shock, denial, anger, sadness, insecurity, and failure. A rebound relationship temporarily provides the companionship, emotional support and attention of a partner. What will often happen is that someone will compromise for the sake of a new relationship find themselves with someone completely incompatibly merely for the sake of being in a relationship. In an emotional time it is easy to form a new dependence on someone who is not a good match for you in the long term.
Tomorrow I’ll cover some tips to help avoid rebound relationships.
Rebound relationships can workout in the long term, however, getting that respite from the end of the previous relationship is also important. A rebound relationship can be a quick fix solution to the hollow feeling left after a relationship. The new partner becomes a substitute for your previous partner. This can spell havoc for a new relationship as your expectations will probably be based on the behaviour and characteristics of your previous partner. Rebound relationships can also be the result of trying to make up for "lost time" spent mourning the previous relationship or an attempt to compete with the ex by finding a new partner before he or she does.
Essentially, the problem with a rebound relationship is that by rushing into a new relationship and not addressing the personal issues associated with your break up, you don’t give yourself time to get over the ex. Usually this will cause tension in a new relationship. If there are issues to be dealt with from your previous relationship break up it is only fair that you don’t involve an innocent party in your recovery. Some people embark on rebound relationships, as they can't release the past until they are put through the process of trying to build a new intimacy with someone else. Blocked or repressed emotions that were not expressed towards the ex partner may now be "acted out" on the new partner.
One very big problem with a rebound relationship is that it can leave you in a vulnerable position. When you break up from a long term relationship you are certainly going to feel a plethora of emotions including shock, denial, anger, sadness, insecurity, and failure. A rebound relationship temporarily provides the companionship, emotional support and attention of a partner. What will often happen is that someone will compromise for the sake of a new relationship find themselves with someone completely incompatibly merely for the sake of being in a relationship. In an emotional time it is easy to form a new dependence on someone who is not a good match for you in the long term.
Tomorrow I’ll cover some tips to help avoid rebound relationships.
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So I beg the question...are were putting people into categories too easily and compartmentalisig emotions ?
Are we creating labels so that people think they should behave in a certain way when clearly emotions are subjective, spontaneous and often irrational reactions to a situation?
Let's take another example. I once knew a mature lady with two children, when her husband died suddenly in car accident. Within four months of his death she was dating his best friend within two years they were married and they have lived together happily for the past 10 years.
This situation fits all your criteria of a rebound situation, (paragraph one of your blog)
Now was she on the rebound ? Did they have secret designs on each other all along while her husband was alive ? Was it the right thing to do ? If she had done what everyone expected of her which was to mourn her husband for years she may have lost all this happiness to loneliness
This union with her late husband's mate diminished the "plethora of emotions including shock, denial, anger, sadness, insecurity, and failure." and actually saved her from further heartache and helped her to cope with a terrible situation.
I have heard of many rebound success stories too.
Also I know many people who constantly need to be in a relationship and once a break up occurs they spend a limited amount of time on their own and quickly move on to the next relationship.
Can we not just view these people as brave, go getters, ready for a challenge, moving forward in their lives instead of wallowing in self pity.
How long do you leave it before you get over being called a rebounder ?
Comment by Dean
I am single now.