Harry
CibbuanoIf you’re happy (& single) and you know it clap your hands!
November 29th 2006 00:40
Do you hate being single, yet can’t seem to break the perpetual singledom cycle. Sure there has been the odd date, but you can barely remember the last time you truly felt some wholesome loving. You’ve lost that loving feeling and before long the ole mojo will be throwing in the towel too. Times are getting desperate, and it is in these times of barren singledom that people can become their own worst enemies. The problem may not be that you’re not funny/attractive/interesting enough, rather it may just be a case of trying too hard.
There are two people in this world. Those that are comfortable with their own company and don’t yearn for a partner and those that are a tad more co-dependent side. If you are accustomed to having a partner around, being single can be a terrifying and lonely experience. There is a certain void, and incompleteness. When you’ve been in a long term relationship and called it quits, of course you’re going to feel a great sense of withdrawal and possibly confusion. It has been a while since you’ve had to fend for yourself in the cold and hostile bachelor/spinster world. For some, losing a partner is like is akin to getting a lost. What do single people do on a Friday night?
Typically, people that are accustomed to the attached lifestyle will seek out and grab the first chance for a new relationship. Cue the rebound relationship. If a rebound partner doesn’t surface a rut develops. Unfortunately, over the term of a long term relationship, the strong ties that you once may have had with your friends tend to loosen. Your partner becomes your bosom buddy so when they’re gone, it can be hard to find a genuine mate to share your emotions with. This is what makes the appeal of a new romance so enticing. You’re at an emotional stage and need a comforting, understanding person to lament to. Should there be a lack of quality friendships or a rebound partner, the spiral to a desperate single is a pretty sharp decent.
There’s nothing quite as bad or wretched as a desperate single. You can smell them a mile off. They’re the ones who are a little too eager to take things to the next level, sms too often and are too willing the please (read: have no personal opinion). It all comes across as a clingy individual. Someone who is boring and borderline obsessive. Nothing screams, “I’ve got personal issues,” more than someone who is desperate to be in a relationship. All in all, a desperate single is a complete turn off. Worse still, they’re setting themselves up for emotional or financial sabotage. Being desperate makes getting played that little bit easier.
Oddly enough it is the fact that a desperate single will go to just about any length to secure a partner that becomes the foe and prevents a desperate single from finding and securing the relationship that they seek. There is some ingrain psyche within the human race that suggests that if something is easily obtainable then by default it isn’t as desirable. It’s not limited to the world of relationships, look at the consumer world or our consumption of natural resources. For some reason, it seems that as a species we take anything easily obtainable for granted. It is only when the supply dries up that we’ll truly start associating the worth and value attached to a commodity. The same philosophy applies to snaring a relationship. Throw it all out there to any potential bidders and your relationship value is cheapened. Cruel, not necessarily right, but nonetheless true.
Clearly the key to success in stopping the relationship drought is to attach a greater relationship value to yourself. Ultimately, the best way of going about this is to completely let go of the desire to be in a relationship. It is definitely easier said than done, probably a lifestyle change that needs to be introduced over a period of time. Over the coming weeks I’ll introduce some different ideas to help any desperate single transition from pining for a relationship to embracing their singledom.
There are two people in this world. Those that are comfortable with their own company and don’t yearn for a partner and those that are a tad more co-dependent side. If you are accustomed to having a partner around, being single can be a terrifying and lonely experience. There is a certain void, and incompleteness. When you’ve been in a long term relationship and called it quits, of course you’re going to feel a great sense of withdrawal and possibly confusion. It has been a while since you’ve had to fend for yourself in the cold and hostile bachelor/spinster world. For some, losing a partner is like is akin to getting a lost. What do single people do on a Friday night?
Typically, people that are accustomed to the attached lifestyle will seek out and grab the first chance for a new relationship. Cue the rebound relationship. If a rebound partner doesn’t surface a rut develops. Unfortunately, over the term of a long term relationship, the strong ties that you once may have had with your friends tend to loosen. Your partner becomes your bosom buddy so when they’re gone, it can be hard to find a genuine mate to share your emotions with. This is what makes the appeal of a new romance so enticing. You’re at an emotional stage and need a comforting, understanding person to lament to. Should there be a lack of quality friendships or a rebound partner, the spiral to a desperate single is a pretty sharp decent.
There’s nothing quite as bad or wretched as a desperate single. You can smell them a mile off. They’re the ones who are a little too eager to take things to the next level, sms too often and are too willing the please (read: have no personal opinion). It all comes across as a clingy individual. Someone who is boring and borderline obsessive. Nothing screams, “I’ve got personal issues,” more than someone who is desperate to be in a relationship. All in all, a desperate single is a complete turn off. Worse still, they’re setting themselves up for emotional or financial sabotage. Being desperate makes getting played that little bit easier.
Oddly enough it is the fact that a desperate single will go to just about any length to secure a partner that becomes the foe and prevents a desperate single from finding and securing the relationship that they seek. There is some ingrain psyche within the human race that suggests that if something is easily obtainable then by default it isn’t as desirable. It’s not limited to the world of relationships, look at the consumer world or our consumption of natural resources. For some reason, it seems that as a species we take anything easily obtainable for granted. It is only when the supply dries up that we’ll truly start associating the worth and value attached to a commodity. The same philosophy applies to snaring a relationship. Throw it all out there to any potential bidders and your relationship value is cheapened. Cruel, not necessarily right, but nonetheless true.
Clearly the key to success in stopping the relationship drought is to attach a greater relationship value to yourself. Ultimately, the best way of going about this is to completely let go of the desire to be in a relationship. It is definitely easier said than done, probably a lifestyle change that needs to be introduced over a period of time. Over the coming weeks I’ll introduce some different ideas to help any desperate single transition from pining for a relationship to embracing their singledom.
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Comment by Anonymous
As of an hour ago, i am no longer single.
Now i'm more happy
Just had to comment!
Comment by Ruth
NSW
ACT
VIC
SA
WA
Ya know, I think the best relationships always flourish right when you give up trying for a relationship. There seems to be this universal rule that a relationship only comes round when you're least expecting it.