Harry
CibbuanoSnooping on your partner?
November 24th 2006 00:04
There are countless opportunity to rifle through a partner’s belongings. Have you ever snuck a peak through your partner’s personal possessions? Had a quick flick through their stored mobile phone text messages, peaked a glance at their mail, thumbed through that journal on the dresser or roved around in the underwear drawer? The immediate thought when it comes to snooping is of a possessive, obsessive and suspect lover who’s searching for clues about a secret life or infidelity. Generally though, I don’t think that this is the case. I think it is more a matter of casual curiosity that leads people to commit the occasional snooping sin. It’s only natural that we want to know every aspect of our partners, what makes them tick, what dirty and sexy little secrets they might have and what sized underwear they wear.
However, is a little harmless snooping ever ok? I always track back to the “do unto others as you would want them to do unto you,” routine. So personally I wouldn’t give a stuff if a partner was snooping through my belongings although I would certainly find it a little disconcerting. I’m not the bashful type, nor do I hide secrets from my partners or for that matter friends. I’d like to think that if a partner wanted to know something about me, no matter how embarrassing, I’d be able to front with an answer. Whether any past lovers have rifled though my personal possessions as I took a shower, I’ll never know. There has never been an awkward instance when I walked in on someone with their noses deep in the far reaches of my bedside draw.
But there was a case of Google snooping which I must say left me feeling somewhat uneasy. A couple years ago I meet a new guy, we’d gone on a handful of dates and he obviously had a few personal details including my name and personal interests. One date he started firing off about some of the activities I had been involved with during university and some community involvement. As it turned out he had ‘Googled’ me and a few of these events had made it to web publication. It was all boring crap, there were no juicy sex tapes, nevertheless I felt kind of ‘naked’ as he managed to accurately account some of the highlights of my teens and early 20s. The experience left me feeling unsettled, like I had been stalked. It was a pretty big turn off and my attraction to this guy quickly diminished after the incident.
Nothing is going to counteract the natural curiosity urge. I’m sure there are times in any long term relationship where both parties have flicked through a personal item of their lover. If only to find out an appropriate size for a gift. If you don’t have anything to hide, then there really shouldn’t be any problems. But getting caught snooping or admitting to snooping is one hell of a turn off. It screams insecurity. If you suspect your partner is up to something the best course of action is to go with direct communication. Vent your concerns and get a straight answer. After all, a suspicious mind can interpret signs in the most incorrect of ways. Use your gut rather than snooping… I find your instincts are a much better judge.
However, is a little harmless snooping ever ok? I always track back to the “do unto others as you would want them to do unto you,” routine. So personally I wouldn’t give a stuff if a partner was snooping through my belongings although I would certainly find it a little disconcerting. I’m not the bashful type, nor do I hide secrets from my partners or for that matter friends. I’d like to think that if a partner wanted to know something about me, no matter how embarrassing, I’d be able to front with an answer. Whether any past lovers have rifled though my personal possessions as I took a shower, I’ll never know. There has never been an awkward instance when I walked in on someone with their noses deep in the far reaches of my bedside draw.
But there was a case of Google snooping which I must say left me feeling somewhat uneasy. A couple years ago I meet a new guy, we’d gone on a handful of dates and he obviously had a few personal details including my name and personal interests. One date he started firing off about some of the activities I had been involved with during university and some community involvement. As it turned out he had ‘Googled’ me and a few of these events had made it to web publication. It was all boring crap, there were no juicy sex tapes, nevertheless I felt kind of ‘naked’ as he managed to accurately account some of the highlights of my teens and early 20s. The experience left me feeling unsettled, like I had been stalked. It was a pretty big turn off and my attraction to this guy quickly diminished after the incident.
Nothing is going to counteract the natural curiosity urge. I’m sure there are times in any long term relationship where both parties have flicked through a personal item of their lover. If only to find out an appropriate size for a gift. If you don’t have anything to hide, then there really shouldn’t be any problems. But getting caught snooping or admitting to snooping is one hell of a turn off. It screams insecurity. If you suspect your partner is up to something the best course of action is to go with direct communication. Vent your concerns and get a straight answer. After all, a suspicious mind can interpret signs in the most incorrect of ways. Use your gut rather than snooping… I find your instincts are a much better judge.
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Comment by Anonymous
anyway, just wanted to say that, I think this is an insecurity thing on the snoopers behalf, I know, I've snooped...It's silly.
My partner knows all my secrets...well not everything but there's nothing to hide, and I trust that he has nothing to hide...there is always a scary side to trust because I know that as trusting as I am he could be a lieing good for nothing such and another BUT, I don't believe he is, I chose to trust and have faith in my choice....and when you can come to that in a relationship...that's a really great place to be
Comment by Vixter
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Comment by Luke
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As for the 'do unto others' rule... if I was okay with people punching me in the face, does that mean I can do it to others? I don't think the 'do unto others' thing really works like that.