"We have been married for six years and don't have children. My husband has a business that isn't doing well but he doesn't try to improve its performance. Meanwhile, I work extremely hard to support us. We've had many problems communicating about family and money - he resents my calling him lazy and irresponsible."

"About a year ago, he changed the way he dressed, started to work out, and began staying late at the office. I then caught him watching internet pornography. (This also happened before, a couple of years ago, and almost led to us divorcing.)"

"Recently, I suspected that something was going on with a secretary at his workplace, but he denied it. One day, I planted a recording device in his office and, sure enough, she flirted with him and he responded with enthusiasm. I demanded he fire her the next day, which he reluctantly did. He still denied having an affair and was resentful of my criticisms of her behaviour. I showed him magazine articles on how hurtful an "emotional" affair can be, and he tried to justify his actions by attributing it to his need for attention. He said he is attracted to her because she is non-judgmental, and he needs somebody to talk to without worrying about being right."

"Should I get divorced? I want to forgive him and start our life together again, but don't know if I can forgive him knowing that he was using me and willing to hurt me for the sake of his own happiness."

"Your attitude is terrible You must recognise that these recent events are rooted in your lack of trust and respect for him, which seems to be chiefly a result of the fact that he is failing to support you financially and "doesn't try to improve" his failing business. Calling him "lazy and irresponsible" is counterproductive if you really want to motivate him."