Harry
CibbuanoThe terrible dilemma of being in your 30s
August 24th 2009 00:34
While most media about the perils of love focus on the trials of being young, I've come to realize that the most dangerous time in your life is this time, when you're 30.
Sure, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Dazed and Confused" correctly identified the uncertainty and insecurity of high school as being a major defining moment in life, but those are problems quickly left behind. My social issues in high school dissolved the moment I left for University, where the new environment meant that I could shape myself anyway I'd like.
Instead, being 30 has it's own dilemma: it's dull. That's right - most of your friends have been working for a while, they've settled down, they're not interested in grand adventures or taking risks. Moreover, the influence of their family becomes stronger, as people strive to mold themselves into an adult that their parents can be proud of.
I've noticed, for example, that many of my friends have settled into this rhythm, where they're not really into their jobs, but they're fearful of what would be without it.
Additionally, if you're Australian -or, even worse, if you're a Sydneysider - you've grown up thinking that it's completely normal to pay $500 000 for a small house, far from the city.
These things combine to give old-young-adults the impetus to stabilize quickly, and not take risks. A side-effect of this mentality is that people are likely to settle down with whomever they're dating at this period in time.
Not you, though, you're alright.
The reason I find it dangerous is that, for example, when I played on a local rugby team, when young guys got married, it seemed as if they had the expectation that they would, inevitably, get divorced. That seems like a tragic mentality to have, going into a new marriage- but the older players seemed rather enthusiastic about their divorces, as well.
It would be preferable, I think, to marry someone that you really know, and that you choose to marry - not because it's "the right thing to do", or because "it's time to grow up".
Sadly, we all know this, but it's hard to work around it... a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend because he wasn't ready to settle down. Fine - he made that decision, and I applaud that he thought about it deeply enough to make a choice. The girl that he left behind, though, could be shattered... she went from being in a stable relationship to having to try and meet someone new. I don't envy her.
Is there a solution? No, I think not... it seems that, no matter how much planning and thinking you do, you cannot possibly guarantee that, by the time that you're ready to settle down, you'll be with the person that you want to settle down with.
It's a tragic reality. Abandon hope ye who enter here...
Sure, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Dazed and Confused" correctly identified the uncertainty and insecurity of high school as being a major defining moment in life, but those are problems quickly left behind. My social issues in high school dissolved the moment I left for University, where the new environment meant that I could shape myself anyway I'd like.
Instead, being 30 has it's own dilemma: it's dull. That's right - most of your friends have been working for a while, they've settled down, they're not interested in grand adventures or taking risks. Moreover, the influence of their family becomes stronger, as people strive to mold themselves into an adult that their parents can be proud of.
I've noticed, for example, that many of my friends have settled into this rhythm, where they're not really into their jobs, but they're fearful of what would be without it.
Additionally, if you're Australian -or, even worse, if you're a Sydneysider - you've grown up thinking that it's completely normal to pay $500 000 for a small house, far from the city.
These things combine to give old-young-adults the impetus to stabilize quickly, and not take risks. A side-effect of this mentality is that people are likely to settle down with whomever they're dating at this period in time.
Not you, though, you're alright.
The reason I find it dangerous is that, for example, when I played on a local rugby team, when young guys got married, it seemed as if they had the expectation that they would, inevitably, get divorced. That seems like a tragic mentality to have, going into a new marriage- but the older players seemed rather enthusiastic about their divorces, as well.
It would be preferable, I think, to marry someone that you really know, and that you choose to marry - not because it's "the right thing to do", or because "it's time to grow up".
Sadly, we all know this, but it's hard to work around it... a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend because he wasn't ready to settle down. Fine - he made that decision, and I applaud that he thought about it deeply enough to make a choice. The girl that he left behind, though, could be shattered... she went from being in a stable relationship to having to try and meet someone new. I don't envy her.
Is there a solution? No, I think not... it seems that, no matter how much planning and thinking you do, you cannot possibly guarantee that, by the time that you're ready to settle down, you'll be with the person that you want to settle down with.
It's a tragic reality. Abandon hope ye who enter here...
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