Harry
CibbuanoTruthful corrections to Penthouse Forum letters
August 11th 2008 02:30
McSweeney's is a wonderful place to find odd-themed writing that crosses imaginative lines and makes you guffaw like a macaw.
This week, they published a delightful list of Penthouse Forum letters that have been corrected in a following issue:
"In the letter "Calling Dr. Love," it was suggested that the letter writer's "throbbing member was purple with pulsating lust" until if found release in "the warm, wet mouth of an off-duty nurse in a hospital supply closet." The actual cause of said member's throbbing and discolored state was an unfortunate softball-related accident that landed him the in the hospital's emergency room. He is currently recovering from his injuries while facing harassment charges from several nurses and staff janitors. "
Of course, these are all fake, but they illustrate an important fact about Penthouse letters - they're fake themselves, with dull, unimaginitive writing.
How many 'purple, pulsating' members do we need to read about? How many men are having flings on carnival rides? With nurses?
And cablemen? Do they really get treats?
Sadly, the truth is decidedly more pedestrian... finding someone that can stand you long enough for you to sleep together is no easy feat. Just settle for the first person that is not disgusted at your presence. You're that desperate.
Where can you meet people like this? In the Penthouse personals? Ha! Not bloody likely!
No, you're better off on blind dates, where you can cover up your bald spot with a baseball cap, or wear height-boosting shoes.
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