Harry
CibbuanoWhat would you do if you and your partner had differing views about having kids?
November 22nd 2006 00:36
The wish to have or not kids is a pretty big factor in any relationship. Check out most internet dating sites and one of the questions usually asked in the profile questionnaire is whether or not kids are wanted. Right off the bat you can toss off any potential suitors that don’t have the same long term end goal as you. But what happens when you’ve found someone, fallen in love and discover their views towards kids are completely different to yours. Would you bother continuing a relationship with someone who has a fundamentally different wish about kids to you?
Its all very well when you’re in your youth. Families, kids and settling down are far off dreams. It’s not unusual for young lovers to have no desire for kids or cast off the issue as something to put into the “sometime” category. But for anyone who does eventually want to have kids, there comes a time when cluckiness settles in and suddenly the urge to start a family or at least start stabilizing a nest begins.
It is all well and good for those couples that have a mutual future plan, but what happens when your partner either doesn’t want a family or wants to put off starting the family longer than you do? Do you hang around in the relationship and hope that they’ll come around? Is it worth or even fair to apply some pressure? For someone who definitely knows that they do or don’t want kids, it seems fruitless to try to push them against their will. But there are always those people that remain undecided. They love you, they love the relationship but they’re just not sure if they want the commitment of kids. What do you do?
The issue of kids is such a tough problem in relationships because it is one of the few things that a compromise can’t be agreed upon. You’ll either be having kids or you won’t, there is no middle ground.
Wanting children is a strong conviction and it is something that won’t go away with time. If having children is something that you truly desire then staying in a relationship and forsaking children is going to lead to a lot of regret and resentment in later life. Ultimately I think it will cause tension, strain and fighting within a relationship. You’ll always blame the other party for holding you back from a life long dream.
Similarly, agreeing to children when you know that you don’t want them could lead to similar feelings of regret and resentment. Furthermore, you really have to question whether you want someone who isn’t completely committed to parenting, to be a parent of your child. In such a case, I don’t think that it is necessarily wise to push someone into becoming a parent if they’re adamant that they don’t want the responsibility of children.
Ultimately, if you’re in a relationship where one wants kids and the other doesn’t, I believe the best course of action is to part ways. It may be tough to end a loving relationship that in the present day is completely perfect, but there will come a time when the issue of kids will cause trouble in the relationship. By that stage ending the relationship and seeking a new partner is going to be all the more difficult.
Its all very well when you’re in your youth. Families, kids and settling down are far off dreams. It’s not unusual for young lovers to have no desire for kids or cast off the issue as something to put into the “sometime” category. But for anyone who does eventually want to have kids, there comes a time when cluckiness settles in and suddenly the urge to start a family or at least start stabilizing a nest begins.
It is all well and good for those couples that have a mutual future plan, but what happens when your partner either doesn’t want a family or wants to put off starting the family longer than you do? Do you hang around in the relationship and hope that they’ll come around? Is it worth or even fair to apply some pressure? For someone who definitely knows that they do or don’t want kids, it seems fruitless to try to push them against their will. But there are always those people that remain undecided. They love you, they love the relationship but they’re just not sure if they want the commitment of kids. What do you do?
The issue of kids is such a tough problem in relationships because it is one of the few things that a compromise can’t be agreed upon. You’ll either be having kids or you won’t, there is no middle ground.
Wanting children is a strong conviction and it is something that won’t go away with time. If having children is something that you truly desire then staying in a relationship and forsaking children is going to lead to a lot of regret and resentment in later life. Ultimately I think it will cause tension, strain and fighting within a relationship. You’ll always blame the other party for holding you back from a life long dream.
Similarly, agreeing to children when you know that you don’t want them could lead to similar feelings of regret and resentment. Furthermore, you really have to question whether you want someone who isn’t completely committed to parenting, to be a parent of your child. In such a case, I don’t think that it is necessarily wise to push someone into becoming a parent if they’re adamant that they don’t want the responsibility of children.
Ultimately, if you’re in a relationship where one wants kids and the other doesn’t, I believe the best course of action is to part ways. It may be tough to end a loving relationship that in the present day is completely perfect, but there will come a time when the issue of kids will cause trouble in the relationship. By that stage ending the relationship and seeking a new partner is going to be all the more difficult.
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Comment by dswhite
Age is Just a Number
Comment by Ruth
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Comment by dswhite
Age is Just a Number
So I've said all of the above to say ... I prescreen vigorously ... babymaker alert to the curb!
Back in the day ... still stuck in my please everyone but myself and can't say no mindset I would have most likely gone through the whole song and dance of restating my desires ... then caved after a couple of months or so. Now... in my wisdom ... I've learned my limitations, I'm like an AA survivor ... stay away from ment with impregnation intentions ... LOL.
Peace,
Dee