Harry
CibbuanoWould you change your beliefs/religion for a partner?
September 8th 2006 00:10
I think this is a particular issue of interest for Australia due to the huge diversity of cultures and backgrounds that the country attracts. A community of just about any religion, nationality or culture can be found within Australian borders. The taboo of mixed race relationships has been largely combated. Inevitability there are always going to be bigots who believe that people should only marry within their own race, but at large the culture is very accepting of mixed race relationships.
Religious beliefs still seem to polarize the population. I can understand to this polarization. I’m one of those heathen atheists, but I can only imagine that any religious beliefs are a significant part of someone’s identity. Yet with the vast mix of religious beliefs within Australian culture it is inevitable that two people with different beliefs may fall in love. How does a couple deal with this situation? I think religious beliefs have to be treated as any other difference that you may have with your partner.
Different religious beliefs could lead to some explosive conflict with in a couple. Religious prejudices seem to run a lot deeper than racial prejudices. However, I don’t think that there is any need to write off a relationship with someone of a different belief system.
The foremost issue should be respect. Essential any religion or belief system will promote the virtues of respect, compassion and empathy. For some people their religious beliefs may be a very personal and private affair. Others enjoy debate and discussion. It’s important to communicate how you want to share you different beliefs between yourselves. Some people will take offense to you criticizing or questioning their belief system whereas others will encourage debate and questioning. Part of respecting your partner is to understand where they stand with discussing and question their religion and not pushing the boundaries. At the end of the day they have just as much right to follow their beliefs as you are entitled to yours. Religious debate shouldn’t be a matter of belittling and a superiority battle.
I know of a few people that have converted their beliefs to that of their partners. I suppose this could only help a relationship in that you’ve got a core common value rather than following opposing systems. Finding someone who is willing to convert would be a rare diamond. I’ve always question whether someone who has convert is doing it more to create a seamless relationship rather than for the religious factor. In this case, the converted is making a huge sacrifice for the respect of their partner.
What are other people’s thoughts and experiences with hooking up with people with different beliefs? Was it a relationship nightmare or did it not even figure as an issue?
Religious beliefs still seem to polarize the population. I can understand to this polarization. I’m one of those heathen atheists, but I can only imagine that any religious beliefs are a significant part of someone’s identity. Yet with the vast mix of religious beliefs within Australian culture it is inevitable that two people with different beliefs may fall in love. How does a couple deal with this situation? I think religious beliefs have to be treated as any other difference that you may have with your partner.
Different religious beliefs could lead to some explosive conflict with in a couple. Religious prejudices seem to run a lot deeper than racial prejudices. However, I don’t think that there is any need to write off a relationship with someone of a different belief system.
The foremost issue should be respect. Essential any religion or belief system will promote the virtues of respect, compassion and empathy. For some people their religious beliefs may be a very personal and private affair. Others enjoy debate and discussion. It’s important to communicate how you want to share you different beliefs between yourselves. Some people will take offense to you criticizing or questioning their belief system whereas others will encourage debate and questioning. Part of respecting your partner is to understand where they stand with discussing and question their religion and not pushing the boundaries. At the end of the day they have just as much right to follow their beliefs as you are entitled to yours. Religious debate shouldn’t be a matter of belittling and a superiority battle.
I know of a few people that have converted their beliefs to that of their partners. I suppose this could only help a relationship in that you’ve got a core common value rather than following opposing systems. Finding someone who is willing to convert would be a rare diamond. I’ve always question whether someone who has convert is doing it more to create a seamless relationship rather than for the religious factor. In this case, the converted is making a huge sacrifice for the respect of their partner.
What are other people’s thoughts and experiences with hooking up with people with different beliefs? Was it a relationship nightmare or did it not even figure as an issue?
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Comment by jon
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Comment by jon
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Comment by Cibbuano
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I wouldn't do it, though. If I fake-believe in something, aren't I just making a mockery of everything it stands for?
Comment by Threethumbs
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The person you marry is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you hvae contradicting beliefs the odds are one of you is going to go to hell.
I am a christian, and i have a friend who is muslim. we are both very proud of our beliefs and will never convert each other. I enjoy spending time with him but we are both sad because we will not see eachother in the afterlife. one of us has chosen the wrong path...but we both believe our path is correct.
its a funny situation.
P.s i really enjoy this site. youve got some interesting ideas.
-threethumbs
Comment by Threethumbs
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you know when like your interested in someone and hang out with them at one point you become too much of friends and then you cant start to date them anymore?
i hate when that happens
-threethumbs
Comment by Anonymous
What annoys me is what minorities in Australia are doing in order to get Licenses or accepted into groups.
Oh if you dont accept me its because im asian or black or whatever. So to not appear racist they have to say ok!
Biggest load of crap ever.
Comment by Ruth
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I don't think anyone is suggesting that sticking to your own faith is an act of bigotry. I can definately see the advantages of sharing a common faith with your partner. But as Australia is multicultural, it is a melting pot of several different types of faiths and cultures. Falling in love with someone who has different fundamental beliefs is a real possibility.
Lets face it, you may ideally want to marry within your own faith, but you can't help who you fall in love with. Now like Cibby says, converting can be akin to disrespect of your partners faith. But mixing faiths can also be impractical too. Then what happens when kids come on the scene?
Mixed faith partnerships can lead to a dynamic form of relationship. The different views can also be too much of a strain. It really depends on the individuals and how they work as a couple.
Comment by MelissaA
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Therefore, when we were getting married it was obvious a church was out of the question as he would not be married in one, whereas I was still going to be married by a man of the cloth however it happened.
We found a compromise - I actually did find a minister of the Uniting church who performed a marriage service still mostly with religious overtones, but outside of a church.
So we were able to be married on an ancient (100 year plus) stone bridge in a garden surrounded by rose bushes and jasmine and all of our closest family and friends.
Now that we have children, 1 of school age, we allow them to attend anglican scripture at school.
Ocassionally my husband has made a somewhat derogatory comment about it to me that the kids don't understand, but as we have agreed for now, and it is mostly just bible stories at the moment anyway, we will let her learn about her christened religion and not impress any ideal upon her too hard until she is old enough to make up her own mind and draw her own conclusions.
Comment by Ahmed
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Some religions make it obligatory to marry someone else of the exact same religion such as Judaism. Others like Islam say you have to marry a person of the book, which includes Muslims, Christians and Jews, but no other religion. Then there are those who have no restriction...
Comment by MelissaA
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They had to keep the relationship a secret from him mother in particular ( I don't think there was a father in the picture) as there was no way the family would ever have let him date let alone marry a non-muslim.
She persisted with it though because she felt she was in love with him, whereas we thought it ridiculous that it couldn't be out in the open and if she couldn't be free about it what was the point of keeping it going at all.
And you know what eventually broke them up? It wasn't the fact that her and her friends caught him not once but twice pashing a muslim girl out in a public place, it was that he saw her out one night at the beach with another guy who really was just a friend, and decided to try and punch him out.
Comment by Ahmed
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I doubt he was a 'muslim guy', he probably was just that by name.
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Comment by Damo
If the person is making an informed choice I can't see a problem. If they choose to do so out of fear of loosing someone it is a bit more complexed. However even people of the same religion can vermently disagree over some points so even then you're not safe.
Comment by Adrian
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1. Would you change your belief to thinking that the world is flat for the sake of your partner?
2. Would you kill someone, or commit any other crime, for the sake of your partner?
Comment by Ahmed
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Second one is also stupid. I wouldn't.
Comment by Ruth
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I guess it comes down to more an issue of compromising your own faith for the love of a partner. As seems to be the general concensus, you can't change your beliefs but you can alter who you pledge alligance to.
Comment by bumpkin
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Comment by Grant
For others it is all about the belief in their particular diety and the church buildings etc are just something that helps them along. For these people it's a personal thing, a fundamental thing if you like, and it's very serious to their lives. This often requires a lot of belief in the truth of what they are living out, their perception of the world and everything in it, so it's the spiritual rather than the cultural that takes precedence.
As a Christian I reckon it would be pretty hard to marry someone who wasn't a Christian. Most things would be okay but what would my wife think about me giving away 10% of our income or doing stuff for church 3 or 4 times a week? Eventually our different ideology would clash and it could get messy.
Relationships are built on trust and trust comes from understanding. If you dont share the same general beliefs it's going to be hard to understand each others motives/goals/wants/needs/etc. Rather than understand you're just going to be spectating each others lives and that would be a shame.
Comment by Chantal
I'm both mixed race myself and in a mixed race relationship. Im also religious and my partner is not... sounds very complicated but it really isnt!
I guess these issues all depend on the people involved. I would never be with someone who didnt respect who I was or what I believe in and I respect other peoples beliefs and backgrounds. It's never been a massive issue for me. But that's just me!
Very interesting topic though... good work
Chantal
(www.dropofpop.com)
Comment by Ruth
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Does your husband share the same religious beliefs as yourself? I would imagine it would make it much easier for him to respect your beliefs if you share a common faith and level of commitment.
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Thanks.
Comment by Anonymous
Stumbled across the page.
I've just ended a relationship due to a few factors, but one of which was fundamental difference in religious belief, to the point where I intuitively felt it would effect many things implicitly throughout life (raising of children, views on the creation of the world, education levels etc). I am an atheist, but am a big fan of confucianism and daoism (traditions in china). My partner was fundamentalist Christian - not such a good mix! I think it totally depends on the combination of people - I deeply love this guy and always will but recognize that he needs somoene who can deeply engage in his belief system and truly respect it, not as a friend does, but live in it with him as a life partner does.
Interestin debate!